


Someone Who Loves Me

by idmakeitbehave



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Injuries, Panic Attacks, two anxious beans in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idmakeitbehave/pseuds/idmakeitbehave
Summary: A case doesn't turn out the way it should, but no real harm is done. At least, you don't think so. What's a few bruised ribs anyway? The hard part is convincing Spencer.“I- I was too slow. I was too slow and you almost died.”(title from a song of the same name by Sara Bareilles (i'm sensing a theme here))
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 208





	Someone Who Loves Me

_The skies are clear but storms are always comin'_  
_Your gift to me is just to be bracing for the winds I always summon_

* * *

You could see it coming. You knew the signs all too well.

Spencer’s face had gone pale, his breathing suddenly labored. His eyes lost focus and you could see the faintest sheen of sweat on his forehead. You took one step towards him, but you blinked and he was gone, off in the other SUV as it pulled out of the parking lot of the hospital.

You sighed, hopping into the passenger seat beside Emily. You were in no state to run after him, no matter how badly you might want to.

This case had been a doozy to say the least. Yet another narcissistic unsub, yet another pretentious cipher. It was pathetic almost, the way they seemed to think that because they had some sort of ‘intellect’ that they were above the law, above humanity.

Spencer had cracked it, of course he did, but not before you had unwittingly walked into the unsub’s trap. You already had a man in custody, someone who fit the profile perfectly, who all the evidence pointed to. You had almost laughed at the thought of being able to catch him without deciphering his arrogant little riddle.

Unfortunately, the profile had been off. You hadn’t accounted for the fact that the unsub was working with a partner- that there was a second man still out there. You had headed out to the last crime scene, eager to collect the last round of evidence and close the case. There was something unnerving about walking around the abandoned scene late at night, but you ignored your instincts- something you swore you would never do. When you felt the cold barrel of a gun pressed to the back of your head, you hadn’t even been surprised. Things could never just be easy, could they?

You had gotten beaten up pretty badly, but still, you made it out alive thanks to the team- thanks to Spencer, really. He was a stubborn, stubborn man and had refused to put the cipher to rest, convinced that they were missing something. He was right. And thanks to him, they had been able to get to you in time. Luckily, all you had to show for your battle was a nasty gash across your cheek and a few bruised ribs.

You were alive because of Spencer. You knew that for a fact, as did the rest of the team. Spencer, on the other hand, you weren’t so sure. You had a sinking feeling that he was blaming himself for your injuries. It came with the territory of the job from time to time and it was something you all dealt with, but you could see it in his eyes as you had left the hospital.

By the time you made it into the hotel lobby, Spencer was nowhere to be seen. You held out hope that he was in your shared room, fingers crossed as you walked down the hallway.

You stepped through the doorway and peered around the room cautiously, your breath catching in your chest as you caught sight of him. He was in the corner of the room, curled up in a ball on the floor. His hands were trembling as they wrapped around his legs, his chin resting on his knees. He barely seemed to register that you had entered the room.

“Spence, hey. What’s going on?” You winced as you sank to the floor beside him, studying his face.

“I- I was too slow,” he choked out, tears springing to his eyes. “I was too slow and you almost died.”

Oh no. You had all gone down that particular rabbit hole far too many times. It was a fruitless struggle, only serving to bring you more pain.

You pulled yourself in front of him, grasping his hand gently. He stared down at the floor, refusing to look up. “Oh, baby, no. I am absolutely fine. You saved me.”

“If I had been-”

“Look at me.” You reached up to cup his face, his mouth shutting at your touch as he finally glanced up at you. “You saved me, Spencer. _You_ did that.” There was a moment of silence, the only sound him breathing heavily. “I'm safe. _You're_ safe. What can I do? What do you need?”

Spencer simply stared straight ahead, his eyes still unfocused, his chest still heaving, his hands still shaking. “I'm sorry,” he sputtered, his grip around his legs tightening, his body beginning to rock back and forth. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry.”

“Spence, you did everything right. Everything. I know it's hard to see it right now, but I promise it's true. Everything is okay.”

“I can’t- I can’t breathe,” he said with a gasp, the words coming out stilted.

You desperately racked your brain for what to do. Spencer had talked you through a panic attack a million times over- you should be a pro at this by now. For some reason you were frozen by the idea of him being the one hurting, the one in pain, not you. This felt worse. You felt utterly powerless.

A thought came to you and you turned towards your bag in search of something when you felt his hand grab your arm. “Don’t leave me,” he whispered, his voice cracking.

“I’m not going anywhere, Spencer. I’m just grabbing something from my bag. I’m right here, I promise.” You spoke steadily, trying to keep yourself calm as you prayed that you would be able to help him. He let go of your arm and you dug through your bag, pulling out the item you had been searching for. You held a tiny squishy toy dog in your hand, and you took Spencer’s hand in yours before putting the dog in his palm. “Do you remember this, Spence?”

He nodded at you shakily. “It’s- it’s your panic dog.” You had called it that jokingly once a long time ago, and the nickname had stuck.

“Mhm, it is. Do you remember his name?”

Spencer wheezed out a laugh, squeezing the dog in his hand. “Ravioli.”

“Exactly. Remember on our first date we went to this way too fancy Italian restaurant? And you were so nervous that you couldn’t stop telling me facts about the food we had ordered. I remember you telling me that ravioli meant little turnip. That’s why I named him that.”

You grabbed Spencer’s free hand again and he looked up at you, his eyes finally beginning to focus. He grasped your hand tightly as he tried to catch his breath. “I- I didn’t know that.”

Your other hand moved back to his face, brushing the damp hair out of his eyes. “What, did you think I just really loved ravioli?”

He nodded his head ever so slightly as he leaned his face into your touch.

“No, silly. I just really love _you_.”

Spencer smiled weakly at your words, his first real smile since before you had left the precinct that night. The two of you stayed like that for what felt like hours, one hand grasping his while the other rested on his cheek. You continued talking, telling him familiar stories, your voice soft and steady. He held Ravioli tightly in his hand, squishing it repeatedly as the heaving of his chest slowed, the sweat on his forehead drying.

Spencer’s eyelids eventually started to droop, exhaustion clearly washing over him. His grasp on the dog loosened, and you studied him for another second before standing up. He blinked at you wearily from his spot on the floor when you held a hand out to him.

“Let’s go to bed, pumpkin,” you whispered as he pulled himself up. He nodded at you, and you wrapped your arm around his shoulder, guiding him to the bed. He flopped down unceremoniously, his feet sticking over the edge. You undid the laces on his shoes, pulling them off one at a time. You couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh at his mismatched socks- one blue with yellow elephants, the other pink and purple plaid.

You grabbed a wet washcloth from the bathroom before pulling off Spencer’s glasses and wiping his forehead, just as he had done for you so many times before. He let out a sigh as the cool cloth touched his skin. Finally satisfied that you had done all you could, you flipped off the lights, crawling into bed next to him and pulling the covers over the two of you. He blinked at you in the dark for a moment before mumbling, “I’m sorry.”

Your hand found its familiar home on his cheek, skimming over the soft skin as you gazed at him. “You have done nothing wrong, sweetheart.”

“You’re the one who’s hurt. I should be taking care of _you_.” His voice was low, his words laced with shame. You were all too familiar with the feeling. It was hard to see beyond one’s own guilt, difficult to understand that you weren’t a burden no matter how many times you were told.

“Spence, you take care of me every day just by being near me. And I will always take care of you. It’s what you do for the people you love.” You pressed a soft kiss to his lips, his eyes fluttering closed at the touch. He let out a contented hum, his own hand reaching up to rest on your cheek.

You knew you would spend the rest of your life proving it to him if you had to. There was nothing you would rather do.

* * *

_The weight of all the world can blind me to its beauty, but every time I need to be reminded_  
_I know you will and say you're still someone who loves me_


End file.
